EVERYONE SHUT
UP NOW! Every single time you try to have a meeting, it always ends like this!
Britain, stop pulling France’s hair! And France, stop trying to rape Britain
and pay attention for once in your life! I can’t believe you people! You’re
supposed to be the United Nations, for god’s sake! You know what that means?
You have to unite, not bicker over stupid things like money!
I know,
you’re all thinking “Who’s this girl? What country is she? When did this
happen? Do you think she’s a stand-in for Germany?” No, I’m not a stand-in for
Germany! That guy SUCKS! I’m not a country at all! And don’t think you can just
brush me off like nothing just because I’m not a big, strong, nation like you.
I’m a citizen
of one of you here, and it’s the PEOPLE who really know just how bad things
have gotten. Anyone care to guess where I’m from? No? Well then let me give you
some clues! Clue number one: I haven’t shut up since I started yelling at you
guys. Clue number two: I’m speaking really loudly! Clue number three: This
morning I had two slices of pizza and a fluorescent pink frosted doughnut for
breakfast! It glows in the dark! That’s right, motherfuckers! I’m AMERICAN!
America,
don’t pat yourself on the back just yet. Do you know how much trouble you’re
in? I seriously doubt it. You owe China over 16 trillion dollars, dude! You
don’t have that kind of money! Nobody has that kind of money! We are in the
middle of a financial crisis, and yet you haven’t stopped eating that absurd
pile of double bacon cheeseburgers since this meeting started! Sure, all you
say is, “I’m the hero! I’m the hero!” Well guess what? You’re fucking DYING,
man! What’s gonna happen when China realizes you’re never paying her back?
She’s gonna cut you right the fuck off! Do you know what happens to countries
that lose financial support? That’s right, they fucking die! You’re FUCKED!
And so are
the rest of you! The only country who isn’t fighting with someone right now is
Switzerland, and he’s not even here! You know why he’s not here? Because he
didn’t feel like getting into a massive argument with all these assholes! You
people are going to kill each other off one by one until the only one left is
Russia, after he smacks you all upside the head with a tap! I’m getting the
hell out of here before I get caught up in the crossfire, and I’m taking Canada
with me, since he’s the only nation here with the good sense not to get all
caught up in stupid shit like war. (I then grab Canada and drag him out of the
room by his curl. He shows absolutely no reaction at all.)
